If I am honest here I will have to admit that I am on the last stretch of this pregnancy and feel like I am hitting a wall. We have been through so much intense transition in our family and much hard work resettling in a new home and adjusting to life on land, etc. Nothing about the whole blessed event has been easy, and I'm finding myself really running out of stamina.
In all honesty I have been less than desirable to be around this weekend. I must be having huge hormone swings as I have felt very edgy and frustrated. I think I am getting to that point where my whole body hurts, and I'm just tired of being tired. I'm tired of being huge and so limited in what I want to accomplish. Our sweet Abbie Joy is heavy to lift at nineteen months, and she has been very demanding upon me with my back feeling the effects. I'm just worn out and really wanting to feel better.
I've found myself very frustrated that I have never gone into labor early without an induction. Every pregnancy I have thought maybe this will be the one where I go early but it has never happened. Now we did induce the last two babies a week early and plan to do that this time too. Even so I still have a little over a week and a half left. I find myself constantly having thoughts of what if my water breaks and I go early, but day after day rolls by and I am not having that thought come to any actualization. Yes, I have periodic painful contractions, but they never amount to anything except discomfort. Basically I just feel agitated with all the hard work, lack of rest, and with waiting. Well, I guess the Lord is trying to teach me patience and endurance. I think it might help me to list some of the things I am looking forward to with a new baby as it will take my mind to another place other than how uncomfortable I am. So here are some of my musings about what is to come in the near future.
- Another soft, tiny, limp little baby to hold in my arms
- The joy a new baby will bring to Daddy, Mommy, and Siblings
- Seeing Lilly Faith's first smile
- Hearing her first sounds
- The sweet smells of a clean baby after a bath
- Our new family dynamics as each new baby has always brought much change to our family
- Having four girls!
- Watching Gabriel fall in love with yet another baby sister he wants to protect
- Her clasping my finger with her little grasp
- The closeness of holding her while nursing and wearing her in the sling
- Watching the other children delight in her every new milestone
- Watching her Daddy fall in love with another baby girl
- Precious baby clothes
- Watching the children mature as they have yet another little one to help take care of
- Seeing Abbie Joy learn a new roll as big sister to Lilly Faith
- Here is a silly one, but I have a tradition of drinking grape juice over ice in the hospital. There is something refreshing about the juice on ice after all the hard work of giving birth.
- Seeing my baby rolled in and holding her during each visit during the hospital stay
- First baby pictures
- Coming home with new baby
- Seeing what she looks like
- Kissing her sweet, smooth little head
- Tiny little diapers again; you forget how TINY the newborn size are
- Watching the Lord grow us all as our whole family makes room for yet another blessing; I truly believe that each new baby helps strip layers of selfishness off of each of us. Even the children realize there is someone else who needs attention and love, and everything does not revolve around them.
- Having two nights in the hospital to get away from all the demands at home and just fall in love with this new little girl we are expecting.
- Watching her personality blossom as she moves through her first year
These are just some of the many things I look forward to. I put them in a random order as they popped into my mind. It helps to think ahead to the gift that is on the way so as not to think so much about just getting through the next several days. I may have to come back and reread this to help myself along. Thanks for sharing in my ponderings, and I would appreciate prayers for us as we approach this very BLESSED occasion. I truly believe that children are a BLESSING from the Lord. I am eternally grateful for the five blessings the Lord has given us.