I remember when I walked into my house full of family and friends.........I remember how the tears fell.........I remember how sweet it was to FINALLY hold my sweet newborn daughter and to know I was home. I was where I was meant to be and where my calling is. I have long felt that my home is the mission field the Lord put me in, and I am so grateful to be given the privilege of serving the Lord in that sphere.
Although I was home I was far from being well, but at this point just being home was enough!!! We prayed for the Lord's mercies and that my health would be restored. It has been a long process, but I have come a long ways with no setbacks.
During the first weeks after returning home I had several doctor's appointments, blood tests, and a strict regiment of medicine. I also had to rest a great deal and pace myself. My body was very weak and it took time to rebuild strength. For a good while I still slept in the recliner, and I remember taking a daily nap there and listening to my playlist of hymns and sacred music that I had played in the hospital. Even through my recovery at home the Lord continued to use those songs to minister peace to me just as He had in the hospital.
I remember dear friends coming over and swinging with me on our porch swing and keeping me company. That helped so much just to be able to take my mind off of my health concerns and fellowship with my sisters in Christ. We did have some stresses for awhile not knowing if we were really out of the woods or if I would go back into more serious illness. It took some time for my white blood cell count to stabilize which was unnerving, but eventually the numbers came out right and all blood tests ceased.
Once I was home there were things that would dawn on me and I would realize how much I had missed of Ella Ruth's birth and first weeks. For one I never knew when her cord fell off, and another thing is I did not even hear her birth stats until I got home and looked them up. It just wasn't something I was thinking about when I was struggling for life in the hospital. Things like that would pop up, and I would grieve once again for what had been lost. I grieved not even knowing when she was born because I was asleep, I grieved being separated from her for weeks after her birth, I grieved not being able to take her home from the hospital and all the firsts I missed. I also grieved that she had grown and was not as tiny when I finally was reunited with her.......I felt like I had missed her tiniest first days of life. Another big one for me was that I had to give up on nursing my sweet baby. After nursing all of my other babies I was brokenhearted to have to lay this down. I had tried to pump off and on when I was well enough, but my milk never fully came in. I had several doctors tell me I should not nurse. They said my body was so depleted of nutrients and strength that it would not be prudent to take the tiny bit of nutrients I might possess and give that to my baby. They said that my baby and my other children needed a healthy mother more than Ella Ruth needed to nurse. This was so hard for me and I tried but finally gave it up. One of my sweet friends told me she thought I should surrender this to the Lord and do what was best for my own recovery. I talked to my husband who also felt better with me focusing on regaining my health for the good of our whole family. It was hard but I decided this was probably best, so Ella Ruth has been our first exclusively bottle fed baby. Even so the Lord blessed us through friends and family who shared frozen breast milk during her infancy. That was so sweet of the Lord to provide that as it made this Mama's heart feel better about things.
I continued to take my meds and rest. The rest was possible as friends continued to rotate through our house to help with the chores and the children. We had daily help for weeks after I returned home and these people were all driving long distances to help us. It is something we will never forget.
The day came when my strong antibiotic, designed specifically for c-diff, ran out. It was exciting and scary all at the same time as I wondered if I would relapse.
How grateful I am that there has been no relapse of c-diff. That is HUGE as c-diff has a high rate of recurrence. The Lord is so good and faithful.
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| Big Brother Adores Ella Ruth! |
With time I have grown stronger and resumed all of my normal activities. I am grateful for how the Lord has lifted me up out of the pit and given me back so many blessings. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to feel the Lord carry me through such suffering and make His faithfulness so evident to me. I am grateful that I know as Corrie Ten Boom said, "There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still."
Here is my testimony, "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock making my steps secure." - Psalm 40:2
Thank you so much for reading and listening to me share my heart and testimony. My prayer is that anyone reading this story will be encouraged by the greatness and love of Jesus Christ. Although I could write on and on about all that transpired during this time, I think it is probably time to draw this long series of posts to an end. Perhaps there will be other posts where I will refer to this time in our lives and lessons I learned through it all. The Lord has been gracious and we give Him all the praise and glory. We are forever grateful for everyone who prayed and helped carry us through by meeting practical needs in our lives. Thank you also to all who have encouraged me through this series of posts. It has been sweet to hear from people as I have written and posted these. To God be the glory; great things He has done!
I leave you with another song from my playlist. Be blessed!
"He Is Worthy!"
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