Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Where I Am At..............
It has been a few months since I did very much with this bloggity blog. There are several reasons. Honestly I have been in one of the most intense seasons of my life. I currently have a very strong willed two, almost three year old, and a very busy one year old running around. I also have a beautiful ten year old who is growing older and needing time to talk and work through the transition from childhood to the young lady she is blossoming into. Then I have my eight year old son and five year old princess. To add to all of that Daddy's work schedule has been busy and we have had many ongoing issues with our home. I have learned that an older home demands high maintenance. In honesty I am struggling with discouragement as life feels bigger than I am. There never seems to be enough of me to go around, and I am NEVER caught up. I am physically tired and weary of battling all the behaviors and attitudes that must be dealt with when training hearts at home. :)
I have been thinking about the fact that we go through seasons in life. There have been seasons when I have felt more on top of things than I currently do. There have been seasons that have been more fun. There have been seasons when I really thought I had at least a lot of the answers. There have been seasons where I knew the Lord was teaching me so many new things and I was bubbling over with excitement about it all. I think right now I am in a season that is humbling. I am realizing just how much I don't have the answers. Only my Savior does. I am realizing the depth of my own inadequacies. I am recognizing my faintness of heart. I recognize the aches and pains of being an older mother back aches and all. It is a season that has me desperately looking to the cross. I am thinking more about "not I but Christ." I have realized that I am finding myself in a different season than early motherhood. I am half way through raising my first born. I am contemplating the season I have lived through and the different season I now stand in. There are new lessons to be learned. I am humbled before my God. "But thanks be to God, Who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." I Cor. 15:57
So, sometimes when you are deeply humbled and beat down you just don't have a lot to say. I think I have been thinking more than writing lately. Also, my camera was in need of repair for a few months, and again just a lack of time to blog. BUT.......I do hope to begin blogging more again! I hope if nothing else that maybe my children will one day enjoy reading about our family journey through the years. I hope that maybe I can have this blog printed in book form one day, and then it will become a sort of scrapbook I don't have time to create otherwise. I also hope that in some way others may be encouraged who are also trying to "fight the good fight."
I do have quite a lot to catch up on. Going back to August I had a birthday. My dear Lauren put together a BEAUTIFUL party in my honor. I was super surprised at her ability to pull of such a pretty party without any help from her Mama. The party had the flare of a victorian tea room. One thing that blessed me immensely was what she wrote on a little name plate and placed in front of my plate. She wrote, "Mama, blessed and pure." Those simple words made me feel so honored. What encouragement to my heart.
A verse that I have been dwelling on is the well known, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Ps 46:1. Though trials and troubles abound God is our refuge!!! Nancy Leigh DeMoss so wisely said that the two realities in that verse are God and trouble. Aren't we glad that we have the former to help us with the latter!
Though some of the things I have shared in this post are personal I hope it encourages others. Sometimes when I read blogs I almost feel discouraged. Sometimes it appears that other moms have it all together or at least run circles around my attempts at pulling things together. I don't want my blog to ever have that effect on others. So, if you ever read my blog and felt like I was a supermom now you know the truth. ;) I am in the battle along with everyone else, and I need new wisdom and mercies for each new day.