This picture stirs emotion for me, because this is where my long separation from Ella Ruth started. After the caesarean I was in bad shape, and my doctor was trying to keep me in the hospital as long as insurance would pay for it. My blood count was really low, and so it was recommended that I have a blood transfusion. We expected things to improve after the blood transfusion and for Ella Ruth and I to be released to go home soon. I did not know that this would only be the first of four transfusions. Several days in I began having violent diarrhea. My OB doctor came in and listened for stomach sounds. She did not hear normal sounds and told me we were going to test for c-diff. I had never heard of this super bug and had no idea of the tumultuous waters ahead. I likely picked up the bug and it inflamed my colon when I was given so many antibiotics with the caesarean. ABC News says this about c-diff:
"It’s the most common infection picked up in hospitals," said ABC News Chief Health and Medical Editor Dr. Richard Besser. "The thing about this infection is you can pick it up and it can cause no problems. Then, you take an antibiotic and it takes over."
We think what happened is that all the antibiotics wiped out the good flora in my gut and made me vulnerable for this super bug to take over.
I was eating dinner when my doctor ordered the test, and the first thing she did was take away all food and drink. Matt had been able to stay with me around the clock up to this point, but this was the first night when he had to return home to take care of the children. The plan was for Ella Ruth to stay overnight in the nursery since it was so hard for me to care for her. At this point I had compounded difficulties from a rough caesarean and this bacterial infection.
I was shocked when nurses wheeled Ella Ruth back into my room in the middle of the night. They informed me that my test for c-diff came back positive, and Ella Ruth could no longer be in the nursery. Since she had been exposed to me they could not allow her to be around other babies. I was in a rough situation as she was crying and I could not feed her enough to satisfy her. My milk had not come in all the way either because I had not fed her consistently or maybe because my own body was in such a weekend state. I did not know what to do since I really couldn't even take care of myself. A nurse came in and fed her a bottle which calmed her down. I think she was just very hungry.
The next day I talked to Matt. We decided Ella Ruth needed to go home. This was hard for me as I never imagined that she would leave without me. I knew, however, that I could not care for her. Taking a baby home from the hospital has always been a special tradition for us. I have always bought a special going home outfit and taken lots of pictures. We always take family pictures with all the siblings when we get home. This time Matt had to dress her to go home and take the pictures. This was hard for me to see them leave and to be left alone. When you are going through something like this you only see what is before you at the moment, and sometimes it is good that you cannot see what all is ahead. Had I known the extent of what was to come it would have just been too much. Truly as Scripture says, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. - Matthew 6:33
My playlist of hymns and sacred music became a close and comforting friend to me as I spent night after night alone in the hospital. Here is another song that played many times.
Just hearing this song again is a flashback to being alone and so sick in that hospital bed. At times I would just cry and pray, and as the song says...."Even in the valley you are faithful." He is sovereign, He is good, He loves us, He is faithful, and He is working all for our good and for His glory. He can be trusted.